LuckDragon’s blog

As I've become extremely annoyed with Vox, I've decided to just keep my blog on MySpace instead.

The reason for this is the fact that when I post a blog in Vox it deletes various words.  Not swear words or names, just normal words.  Sometimes half a sentence will be missing.  It wastes a lot of my time correcting it.

So, my new address is:

http://www.myspace.com/luckdragon279

As I've become extremely annoyed with Vox, I've decided to just keep my blog on MySpace instead.

The reason for this is the fact that when I post a blog in Vox it deletes various words.  Not swear words or names, just normal words.  Sometimes half a sentence will be missing.  It wastes a lot of my time correcting it.

So, my new address is:

http://www.myspace.com/luckdragon279

I've had a busy week.  Spent Monday and Tuesday night at the library studying my ass off.  Went to G's on Wednesday night and we went to Caffe Numero Uno for his birthday.  I had a massive salad, and everyone thought I was strange, but I was full!

On Thursday morning I reversed out of the driveway and heard a crunch ,  as I got to the road. I thought it might be my numberplate or bumper bar, but it was my exhaust pipe and muffler. Just fell off! 

So, I called a taxi and got driven to work (because I'm not sure yet where the bus stop is!). 

I rang J, because I was meant to meet up with her that night, and she sounded half dead. But when I spoke to her later that day she had 'miraculously' recovered from whatever it was, and she said she'll pick me up. I offered to meet her in town first, so I ended up catching the bus after work (which took the scenic route, and I was half an hour later than I said I would be). Met up at Bonjiourno, but not before witnessing a 4WD driver going round into the laneway where Church nightclub is, and getting stuck on a bollard, thereby damaging her wheelarch. Ha ha.

No, I don't like 4WD drivers. They think they can intimidate Barina drivers.  I also despise Ford, Volvo and BMW drivers. Ford drivers because they're just crap, Volvo drivers because they never look where they are going, and BMW drivers because they are arrogant and also, my ex-landlord owned one.

J talked at length about her assignment for her Food & Nutrition course on obesity. We had something to eat, then we walked, in the rain, over to UniSA library. She was procrastinating to the max, and I was sure she'd get kicked out for talking too much, but luckily there weren't many people in there. When she was borrowing some books, the librarian said her student card had been found - she'd lost it a week before. She always has a lot on her mind!

Then we drove to her place for a cup of tea, then over to N & M's to collect her brother, then she drove me home. We talked, as usual, about her lack of 'lust for life' and how everything's 'boring'.  However, I have noticed that she is a lot better at communicating now, from all the study she has done.

On Friday I had a day off, and lucky too, because I had to take my car in, to get a muffler re-attached! The only time I could get it in was 1:00pm, so I spent the morning trying to sort through my stuff, and getting frustrated. I drove to Midas in Glenelg and checked in. The guy was really laid-back and chillin.  I can see why my brother recommended him. He mentioned that he'd worked a fair bit on my brother's Merc.

He said it would take an hour and a half, so I didn't really have time to walk home, so I just wandered aimlessly around Glenelg. I noticed some really cool little apartments along the beach called 'Seawall' - they were so retro, with maritime paraphernalia around the front of them that were really cute. Some of the more expensive apartments had outside spas - I wonder how often they'd use them in the Winter?

Mum rang me when I got to Moseley Square and picked me up to go home and have a cup of tea, then drove me back to Midas. $180 later, the Barina's all fixed. Then I was rushing around trying to pack. Finally made it to G's by about 5pm. Drove into town to stay at the Hotel Grand Chancellor to celebrate G's 29th birthday. The present G. got for his birthday was the Delorean - the time machine from Back to the Future.

The place had pretty much no 'pull-up' zone out front, as it was in an alleyway off Currie Street, and it had no carpark, so we had to park in a Hindley Street carpark and carry all our luggage over. We dropped our bags at our room, and went for a walk to Rundle Mall to look at Playstation controllers, but couldn't find a decently priced one. When we got back, G. couldn't find his mobile phone! He's lost his phone in the city before, so he was FREAKING OUT!   

We found the phone in my car (when he was reversing it for me, it had dropped off his belt.  Lucky!  FINALLY we headed off to dinner at Primo on Gouger Street.  It was lovely - not as crowded as the one at Brighton, and much more friendlier than the one at Tea Tree Plaza! They even gave us little plastic bowls to take home the food we couldn't eat!

Headed back to the hotel and found that they hadn't yet brought up our champagne that was included in the deal, so I went down and asked for it.  Shortly later we found that the smoke detector was ticking!  I really didn't want to go back down to Reception to complain again!  G. hit it a few times and it eventually stopped.  How bizzarre.  We played Playstation for a while - Lego Star Wars! (more recently I've been playing Spyro and getting freaked out by big purple spiders!!) Unfortunately the disc was a bit dirty and got stuck in some sections. We got Cashies to clean it for us the next day. Strange how you lose track of time when you play Playstation - it was 2am before I knew it! Luckily we had a late checkout time of 11am!

In the morning we went down for breakfast, and found that Reception had forgotten to give us our breakfast vouchers!  Hopeless! Must've been on Work Experience or something! But the guy who served us breakfast was way cool.  The hotel was strange - it was historical and decorated nicely but had an amateur feel about it.  Kind of like a polished sterling silver tea set with a massive crack in it.  Oh well. 

We went for a drive to Cash Converters up near G's place, and the guy there said he had all the CD singles out from the backroom just for today, so I went mental because they were all 50cents.  Bought about 20 of the buggers.  They were all good stuff too - it wasn't the usual stuff people don't want, like Yanni and Celine Dion.  Modern, good stuff.  Happy joy.

We then drove to the Sexpo.  It's the first time it's come to Adelaide since 2001, and I don't think it'll be the last, because the place was PACKED! There were exotic dancers, heaps of stalls and a 'gerbil ride' (sort of like a ghost train).  It was all interesting and amusing, but everything was expensive, and it cost $25 to get in! G got his photo taken with an FHM blonde model. My favourite dancer was Arianna Starr - she had massive butterfly wings, and really cool body paint, and good taste in music too!  One of the best things I bought there was, strangely enough, a book about beautiful accommodation around Australia.  It had 2 of my 3 favourite placed - Fire Station Inn (pictured in my profile) and Patly Hill Farm, but didn't have Jubilee Retreat. So I emailed the author and he replied this morning saying he'll check it out. 

After that we quickly drove up to the hills to Warrawong Wildlife Sanctuary. (we'd been told to be there by 5:30pm) We had a dinner, tour, accommodation and breakfast package for $100 per person.  Pretty good.  We quickly unpacked our stuff and headed over to the verandah to meet our tour guide.  Then she asked for our tickets, and I'd left them back in the room because I'd only taken my keys and mobile phone!  But she believed us anyway.  The tour was really good, except for the gang of kids who kept giggling - G reckons they were smoking pot or something. Saw possums, kangaroos, and even a platypus or two. I was glad I took my new Maglite.  For more info, check out:  http://www.warrawong.com/ 

We then sat down to dinner.  We waited for nearly an hour, even though we'd placed our order as soon as we'd arrived at the Sanctuary!  G. put on his angry face and we soon got some attention.  They apologised, as they thought we'd gone on the later tour!  Our Eco-Cabin was a cabin pretending to be a tent, pretending to be a cabin!  It had canvas walls and roof, and even zip up windows, yet it had real beds, air conditioning and an ensuite.  Only things it didn't have was a bathroom mirror and tea and coffee making facilities. That would've made them perfect.  It was pretty chilly, but warmed up as soon as we put the air conditioner on. 

I woke up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night so I reached over to get my phone (to use the torch on it) and all I could feel was the plastic bag next to it.  I didn't want to turn on the big light.  I eventually found it.  When I came back and got back into bed, I noticed a flashing light - it was coming from G's iPod speakers.  So, I reached from my phone again, and couldn't find it again, and the plastic bag fell on the floor and made a hell of a racket and G. grumbled and enquired what I was doing.  When I told him, he put the speakers upsidedown and told me to go back to sleep.  I know it doesn't sound like it, but when we were talking about it the next morning, it was incredibly hillarious to me!

The next morning, G. slept in, so I went to breakfast myself and read a book about koalas while eating nutri-grain in front of an open fire.  When we checked out there were about 15 Lotuses in the car park. Must've been their regular Sunday run.  Beautiful machines.

The good news is that I've finally handed up Book 1 of my Editing course.  All I need now is to wait til they mark it and send me the next book.

For my 'Sabbatical' I'll be staying in a cabin in a caravan park by the sea down near Brighton for a few days.  Should be peaceful.

Last night I went to Marion.  I ordered a Greek Salad from a place called Aromas.  Last time I was there they gave me a fruit salad instead of a Greek Salad.  That's understandable - it is very noisy in there.  But last night, just before they served me, they tried to charge a lady $14 for a piece of cake and a coffee!  They later explained they thought she'd wanted 3 pieces!  They asked me if I wanted my quiche warmed up, and I said yes.  Now normally they put it on a plate, but this time they warmed it up and put it into a plastic take-away container.  What the...?  Then she asked me if I had a knife and fork, and proceeded to rifle through my Campbells newsagent bag seeing if I had a knife and fork in there.  What the what the....?  Airheads.  So hard to get good help thesedays.  Pity their food is so good.

I've been coming home late so that my brother and Z can have some time to themselves, but I made the mistake of coming home on time on Tuesday.  They asked to borrow my laptop, and all night long tried to load Command and Conquer on there.  Eventually they decided it was too hard.  But, out of this they've decided they want a new laptop of their own because they are jealous of mine, so G. is on the case, trawling Ebay for one.

I heard that KrispyKreme is coming to Adelaide!!!

Going to my cousin's wedding tomorrow.  My Dad will be there.  Great.

I had my Performance Review meeting today, and my boss was so impressed that I'm doing an Editing course privately, that he's going to contribute nearly $400 towards it, and give me some time off to study! :-)

He is also giving me some more project work to do, which means he values my work.  I told him I'd be interested in maybe presenting courses, in the future after I've had some more training, and he was very supportive. 

I told him I was stressed out about all my Long Service Leave, so he said he'd be supportive if I could just choose some weeks and make sure my workmates are ok with it. I feel guilty, and I don't want to inconvenience my colleagues, but I guess, it has to be taken at some stage.

I am finding more and more this year that the people who used to treat me like a child and like they had no respect for me are now paying attention to me and treating me like I actually have some intelligence.  Maybe when people get past 30 they automatically get a bit more respect?!

However, I've had a strange couple of days.  My head has been spinning because of a number of things.  I'm worried about a friend who's having a hard time at the moment, I'm worried about my Mum, I'm uncertain of my future generally and I have to think about my career.  It's been unbelievably hard to concentrate and focus. I feel like my brain is melting.  This year has been such a race, and it's May, and I feel I haven't achieved all that much.

So, I've applied for some time off at the end of May.  And this time, I won't let other people plan my time for me.  In fact, I'm thinking of hiring a motel room for maybe a week down in Noarlunga or something, and not letting anyone visit me. I really need some time to think and plan and sort my thoughts because I'm so scattered at the moment.   7 is my lucky number, so I'm hoping by the end of 2007, my life will be fully sorted and set for take-off. My partner doesn't seem to understand why I'd want to be alone for a week, but the thing is, every now and again, I need to be a hermit crab. I need to shift from automatic to manual, just for a few days.  I need to get to know myself again... while I still can.

It’s been a fairly exhausting week.  Glad it’s Friday.

On Monday night I went to Domain library to do some Editing homework.  I like it there – there’s things like leopard-skin furnishings and stuff!  It’s open til 8pm so it’s a nice place to hang out at night time.  On Tuesday night I went to the Uni Library – that one’s even better – open til 11pm!  It’s also a very peaceful place – even more so than the Domain.  I can hide in a corner and forget about the world while I study.

Tuesday was Anzac Day.  G came over to stay so we could get an early start in the morning.  We downloaded Lemmings from the net and played it on my laptop!  So cute! 

Woke up about 7am Anzac morning due to the noisy cat.  I spent a couple of hours doing homework, and also browsing MySpace.  Found a couple of people I knew from NSW – but it seems a lot of people set up a MySpace account and then forget about it!  Mum rang at quarter to 10 saying T had already arrived, even though I had said I wasn’t planning to get there til 10:30!  Super-eager J  So I cruised up and G said he’d meet me after he’d finished his Iced Coffee. On the way there I was shaking with nervousness as well as anger.  I was listening to Rage Against the Machine and trying to fire myself up with some positive energy.

I started to pack my stuff, but then Mum said Dad wanted to talk to me.  I really didn’t want to, as I really just wanted to grab my stuff and go.  He didn’t so much talk with me, as he talked at me.  He did apologise, but I still don’t think he understood what he did wrong.  Of course he blamed everything on my brother, even though he hasn’t seen him in years!  He doesn’t want to take responsibility for his own actions.  I said he should stop drinking – and he didn’t say anything.  He doesn’t want to admit he’s an alcoholic (he doesn’t drink in front of people – he does it by himself in the garage!).  I said he should see a psychologist, and he said he didn’t want to because they’ll make him join a church group!  I said he should go to the Dr and he said no because he didn’t want to go on drugs (hello…alcohol’s a drug!).  And he said he was depressed because he had no friends.  I said he should go and make some new social circles, but the problem is, he doesn’t know how to be friendly, and also hates spending money and has no interests. 

I said that in order to have people respect him, he has to respect people including his family, so his behaviour has to change.  He said he was 60, so he can’t change. He kept going on about the past (mainly to do with my brother) so I kept reminding him it had nothing to do with my brother. My brother was not there when my Dad started abusing me, Mum and G, and smashing up the house! Then he said he wanted people to forget about the past.  How can we when he keeps bringing it up?!  Until he takes responsibility for his actions and changes his behaviour and attitude of course he’s going to keep pushing people out of his life.  He refuses to believe he has a problem.  He knows something is wrong but is unwilling to face it or solve it. I kept reminding him that he’s been doing the same thing for over 30 years – this is not just a ‘once-off’ and he really should learn his lesson that this is not the way to behave to one’s family.

So, all that talking slowed me down.  Luckily G and my friends T, M & L had pretty much nearly packed up everything in my room by this stage.  Having more cars definitely makes moving easier. It would’ve been even quicker without Dad taking up all my time with his ranting and raving. Mum tried to get us to move the fridge, but we really didn’t feel like it – it was a fairly hot day and we didn’t have the right equipment. 

Once we’d moved everything to my brother’s house, T had to go home, but G and I went to lunch at Pizza Hut with M & L.  It was nice to catch up with them.  Pizza Hut were a bit skimpy with the pizzas and the garlic bread was devoured within the first few seconds it hit the table because people had been waiting so long for it!  But I really enjoyed the jelly and ice cream – that’s my favourite part!

Later that afternoon G and I took a bunch of stuff to his Nanna’s for storage.  She’s kindly letting me use her shed (a MUCH cheaper option than National Storage who charge over $100 per month). Mainly my kitchenware and folders and books.

That night I had a dream that my Mum was encouraging me to place my head in a lion's mouth.  I think it must have represented my conversation with my Dad.

On Thursday I went back to work and on Friday (today) I had half a day off, so I decided to go through some of my stuff in G’s Nanna’s shed.  We also had a Barney Burger at Barnacle Bill’s, which was lovely. It’s been raining all day today.  Been a bit scarey on the roads.  Flooding here and there as well.  But, our gardens and reservoirs need it.  Apparently in Queensland there’s Level 5 Water Restrictions, which mean the only parts of a car you can wash are the windows, mirrors, lights and licence plates.  A workmate of mine moved up there a couple of weeks ago.  I wonder if she’s regretting it now?

I learned something new the other day.  People think the reason Americans spell words like ‘harbour’ without the ‘u’ is because they’re lazy.  But it’s actually because when America was settled, the English spelt it as ‘harbor’.  However, a little while later, everything French came into vogue in England, so they added a ‘u’ to words like ‘harbour’ and ‘labour’.  But America kept the old spelling. So the American English is more English than the UK English!!

I learned something new tonight as well.  When you are wine tasting, you spit, however, when beer-tasting, you don’t spit.  This is because the bitterness can only be tasted as you swallow it.

I read in the paper the other day that in about 5 years some car companies in China will be producing 1 million cars per year, per factory!  That’s going to eclipse Mitsubishi and Holden and Australian industry is just going to be left behind in the competitive stakes.  So, we better start making something else that the Chinese aren’t good at, and fast!!

Last week there was a mass-shooting in a US university.  If it had happened in Australia, we would’ve done something similar to what we did with the Port Arthur massace – buy back people’s guns to prevent it happening again.  What do American politicians suggest – they say that the ban on carrying guns into universities be lifted, so if a gunman enters the campus, the students there can shoot back at him.  All I can say is, Americans watch far too much television! That’s the craziest thing I have ever heard. 

On Saturday morning, Z had a craving for bacon and eggs, and we didn't have any eggs, so we decided to go to Woolies in my car to pick up some groceries.  We had a nice shopping trip, and came back to the car, which decided not to start!  My brother came out and had a look at it, but wasn't too sure what was wrong, so we rang the RAA, who arrived about an hour later.  In the meantime, we saw a 4 car collision on Brighton Road!

The RAA guy said it was the fuel pump.  So, then he called the towtruck, who took another hour to arrive!  I was sitting in the carpark next to my car thinking, "homeless, car-less, what else can go wrong?!"  A lot of drivers were really nice, asking if I needed any help.

The towtruck towed it to my brother's house.  Took all of 3 minutes to get there! My Mum was there so we had a coffee and caught up with her. Then we went to IKEA and my brother bought a massive wardrobe with frosted glass doors for my room! Well, we picked it out, took the measurements, went back home to re-measure to make sure it would fit, then raced back again to make sure we got there before 5pm.

I asked G to meet us in the IKEA carpark, and we put half the flatpack in his ute and half in the Merc.  The wardrobe was truly huge for such a small room, but it does fit.  We spent til 2am building it, while watching all sorts of movies including The Wraith, Flight of the Navigator, Fatboy Slim live at Brighton and Human Traffic.

On Sunday we drove down to Lonsdale in the Merc to find a fuel pump in the wrecking yard, but they didn't have any Barinas there. So then we drove all the way up to Elizabeth (over an hour's drive), and watched Suddenly 30 on the dvd player in the car! We found a beat up Barina and got the fuel pump and also hinges for my drivers side door.

We spent the afternoon fixing up my car, and putting the finishing touches on my wardrobe.  Now my car's working fine.  I'm moving my stuff on Wednesday morning with the help of G, M and T, so I'll sort out my wardrobe when I've got stuff to put in it! Hopefully Mum can get Dad to go somewhere so he doesn't get in the way when I'm moving my stuff.

I found it hard to concentrate at work today, with everything going on.  I'm glad this Wednesday is Anzac Day and I get half a day off on Friday too.  I left work early and bought some plastic storage boxes at Marion, then went to the library to study.  I've nearly finished my Book 1 for Editing - yay!

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment.  I feel like I don't have control over anything. I feel like a refugee, like I don't belong anywhere. But, I'm trying to go with the flow, and hopefully everything will work out. One thing I have learned is that in situations like this, some people genuinely care, and some people pretend to care, but offer empty promises. I'm glad I have some caring people around me at this time.

On Saturday morning, Z had a craving for bacon and eggs, and we didn't have any eggs, so we decided to go to Woolies in my car to pick up some groceries.  We had a nice shopping trip, and came back to the car, which decided not to start.  My brother came out and had a look at it, but wasn't too sure what was wrong, so we rang the RAA, who arrived about an hour later.  In the meantime, we saw a 4 car collision on Brighton Road!

The RAA guy said it was the fuel pump.  So, then he called the towtruck, who took another hour to arrive!  I was sitting in the carpark next to my car thinking, "homeless, car-less, what else can go wrong?!"  A lot of drivers were really nice, asking if I needed any help.

The towtruck towed it to my brother's house.  My Mum was there so we had a coffee and caught up with her. Then we went to IKEA and my brother bought a massive wardrobe with frosted glass doors for my room! Well, we picked it out, took the measurements, went back home to re-measure to make sure it would fit, then raced back again to make sure we got there before 5pm.

I asked G to meet us in the IKEA carpark, and we put half the flatpack in his ute and half in the Merc.  The wardrobe was truly huge for such a small room, but it does fit.  We spent til 2am building it, while watching all sorts of movies including The Wraith, Flight of the Navigator, Fatboy Slim live at Brighton and Human Traffic.

On Sunday we drove down to Lonsdale in the Merc to find a fuel pump in the wrecking yard, but they didn't have any Barinas there. So then we drove all the way up to Elizabeth (over an hour's drive), and watched Suddenly 30 on the dvd player in the car! We found a beat up Barina and got the fuel pump and also hinges for my drivers side door.

We spent the afternoon fixing up my car, and putting the finishing touches on my wardrobe.  Now my car's working fine.  I'm moving my stuff on Wednesday morning with the help of G, M and T, so I'll sort out my wardrobe when I've got stuff to put in it! Hopefully Mum can get Dad to go somewhere so he doesn't get in the way when I'm moving my stuff.

Well it’s been crazy times.  Last week I was on holidays and house-sitting for my brother.  He was meant to come home on Saturday, but they came home Friday afternoon instead, just as I was starting to settle in and relax! ;-)

So I went back to my parentals on Friday night.  On Saturday I got a lot of my studying done for my Editing course – finished one more assignment. G came around on Saturday night and we had dinner with the parentals.  I offered to go down to the Chicken Spot to get some dinner and Dad had to complicate it by saying he wanted to go down and get hamburgers! Eventually the parentals agreed to get me to buy them some chips.  So, we eventually sat down to dinner and, as usual, it was uncomfortable, but it was particularly bad because I think Dad had been drinking.  And when he does that he gets very sarcastic and critical (but he thinks he’s really funny).

Dad’s not good at making conversations at the best of times.  But he was saying really bizarre things.  To G he said “so what have you been doing this week besides sleeping?”, to which G replied of course, working.  But the question was so bizarre it threw him a little bit. And to me Dad said, “how much longer do your holidays go for?”, so I replied I have Sunday and then I go back to work on Monday.  So then he started ranting about how I should go on the dole, as he has lots of tricks to cheat Centrelink.  What the…? Why would you say that to someone?  I was really glad when dinner was over. 

When we got back down to my room G said he’d felt really uncomfortable up there at the table, and I agreed with him.  We spoke about the different things we could do to avoid having dinner with my Dad  - things like going out to dinner, having takeaway in my room, etc.

On Sunday I went with Mum to the Christening of my cousin’s baby, in a church in Brighton.  It was ok, but there was nobody there that we knew really.  The next day, G and I went back to his place to fix his Mum’s computer.  When we returned to the parentals, I went upstairs to help Mum with dinner.  Shortly beforehand I’d gone into my bathroom to get the bucket that’s kept in the shower to collect water while I shower.  I emptied it into the front garden and Dad followed me and saw me do it, but didn’t say anything. About 10 minutes later when I was upstairs he started ranting and raving at me saying it was a “new rule” that I was no longer allowed to put water into the garden from the shower, blah blah blah. He was talking to me as if I’d just crashed his car or something life or death!  I just stood there and didn’t say anything, and he got himself more and more worked up. 

So, when I’d had enough of being condescended to I headed into the kitchen to check on the carrots I was cooking, and then he started yelling at Mum instead.  So, I got fed up and headed downstairs to G. I was very upset so I hugged G for a little while, as Dad yelled at Mum upstairs. I told G that if Dad started breaking things we’d leave.  I went to the toilet and sure enough, I heard banging and crashing upstairs.  Dad started smashing up the kitchen, and actually ripped the kitchen door off it’s hinges and smashed the windows in the door.  I quickly left the bathroom and found G in the entrance hall, terrified and ready to leave.  Dad came downstairs and saw us.  To me he said “get out and don’t come back” and to G he said “get out you useless bastard” or something like that.  So, with just my shoes and handbag, we fled to my brother’s house.

We hung out there for a while to compose ourselves.  A couple of hours later we went back to the parentals to collect my computer, phone, car, clothes, toiletries, etc.  Dad was nowhere to be found, fortunately.  It almost seemed too easy.  Mum was on the driveway and she wished us well and felt sorry about the situation.

So, ever since then I’ve been staying at my brother’s place. He’s offered for me to stay here permanently, but I’m still thinking about it.  I’m looking around for a place at the moment – hopefully somewhere close to my work and cheap.  But lots of share houses have 4 or 5 people in them, which could be complicated, some don’t have parking and some don’t allow G to stay over on weekends.  There is one that’s about 30 seconds walk from my office! That’d be amazing- I’m going to have a look at that one tonight.

I’m sure Dad has woken up from his drunken stupor by now, but he doesn’t seem to care about where I am because he hasn’t tried to contact me.  I knew it was a risk to move back with him, but I honestly thought he was mature enough to avoid this sort of stuff (it’s happened hundreds of times before – that’s why I’m pretty calm about it – sort of used to it). But, obviously, a leopard doesn’t change it’s spots.  He’s still a bully, a drunk, and a very aggressive man. I’m not sure if it’s the right thing to do – to cut him out of my life, but it seems to be what he wants.  He doesn’t speak to my brother.  He despises my Mum and he doesn’t want me around.  What does he want to be in a family for?  Some things I’m sure of are that I’m calmly resolute that I never want him to speak to me or G ever again the way he did last Sunday night, I no longer want to let him disrupt my life plans, I no longer want to spend my time with him to help him or get to know him as he doesn’t appreciate me, so is not worth the effort, and he doesn’t want to change, so I can’t help him anyway.  I don’t hate him – I don’t feel anything for him. I don’t feel related for him.  He’s just a very evil and heartless man and he really doesn’t bring anything positive into my life.  All he delivers is misery, threats and insecurity.

I feel sorry for my Mum, but it’s her decision to be there.  She’s had opportunities in the past to end this situation, but keeps going back because Dad controls her so much.  I’m not married to him, so I won’t let him control my life.

So, that’s been my crazy week.  I’m living day to day and not sure what will happen tomorrow. 

First day (officially) of my holidays. I’m lazing around at my brother’s house (house-sitting), surfing the internet, watching a David Bowie DVD, trying to motivate myself to do something a little less pointless.  My David Bowie DVD is now playing ‘I’m Afraid of Americans’ (I want to get a T-shirt that says that!).  That song gets more potent and relevant by the day!

The web is the perfect way to waste time. I’m having a look at ‘Myspace’ webpages.  Some have blogs, like Moby & Jamie Cullum, and some are just empty pages with pictures of people trying to flog their CDs, like Britney Spears and Paris Hilton.  I want to get closer to celebrities – that’s why I want to find their blogs – its more personal than an album or a movie. I just want to see how they are, really.  But, I guess, not many have enough time to maintain a journal. Not until their career starts to thaw out and they decide to write a book.

I looked in the mirror today and wondered what I would look like when I’m 40.  But, I think about musicians and how they age (relatively) gracefully, such as David Bowie, Madonna, Kylie and Mick Jagger.  They are still having fun even though they’re past retirement age, and their lifestyles were way more unhealthy than mine, so I guess it’s all down to attitude, luck and good genes!  I hope I can age gracefully.  I hope I can age as well as a musician – I think music keeps you young (as well as all the expensive beauty treatments they can afford!).  I’ll still be wearing band T-shirts and listening to pop music when I’m 40!

It’s strange how much pressure society puts on us to ‘get it together’ by the age of 30, because after that you’re ‘too old’.  Everyone thinks when they’re 20, that by the age of 30 they will have a steady partner, kids and big car and big income.  The problem is, with some of those things, it comes down more to luck than planning.  In saying that, yes, it’s a big age, but it’s only 1 year later than 29! Some people don’t get married til much later in life, or even start businesses at age 40, or go on their first trip overseas at 55.  It was a bit traumatic when I turned 30 last year, but I’ve adjusted to my age now, and have realized, it’s really just a number and I should stop conforming to what people think I should be doing just because of my age.  You really are only as old as you feel. Comparing yourself to other people is suicide.

I was actually meant to have breakfast with my friend today – I even bought Easter Eggs, but it didn’t eventuate.  She told me the Tuesday in the week after Easter, but what she meant to say, was the Tuesday in the week after the week after Easter!  

We had a relaxing weekend – mainly watching movies, including Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, Down Periscope, Fight Club, Teen Wolf, and both Jackass’s.  Yesterday we went to visit my friend up in the Adelaide hills.  It was like an iPod convention – with 3 on the table – and we swapped songs, and looked at his photos via my laptop (he’s been traveling all over the countryside with his job).  We took the winding and narrow Gorge Road back last night – scarey.  But after surviving that, we nearly got cut off by a Victorian Ford driver near Anzac Highway!  Last night we made a chocolate cake out of a packet together.  It worked out fairly well, except the icing was a little dodgy.  On Sunday we went for a drive to Christies Beach.  Weren’t many shops open, except the fish n chip shop, but the beach was beautiful and the walking trails in the sand-dunes were nice.  Saw the Waco Bi-planes going past.

We went to the Adelaide MotorShow on Sunday.  They had set aside every spare space in the Wayville Showgrounds for parking, so we had to drive all the way to the oval to park!  They certainly made their money out of us ($5 for parking, and $14 each to get into the show).  It was good though.  They had lots of old cars like Chevys and Hotrods, as well as classics like Monaros and Sandmans.  At the Toyota pavilion I got to sit in a Yaris.  It was nice, and the pedals were far enough away from each other, that I didn’t have to take my shoes off!  The Holdens were awesome as usual, including a purple SS Commodore;  we didn’t bother getting a Holden showbag as it’s always just brochures thesedays, and one more thing to carry around. The Ferraris were suitably impressive.

There was a Lamborghini pavilion with 6 beautiful Lamborghinis as it is their 50^th anniversary.  Twiggy’s green Lamborghini with eyelashes was there too (from the National Motor Museum ).  I bought some cool Lamborghini posters too. I also bought a decent compass – it’s been on my wishlist for a while now!  It was a good day.  Until there was a power blackout – but strangely that didn’t seem to put people off too much.  They were still walking around and taking photos.  Some of the cars had headlights turned on to make it a bit easier for the crowds to get around.