Crazy week

Well it’s been crazy times.  Last week I was on holidays and house-sitting for my brother.  He was meant to come home on Saturday, but they came home Friday afternoon instead, just as I was starting to settle in and relax! ;-)

So I went back to my parentals on Friday night.  On Saturday I got a lot of my studying done for my Editing course – finished one more assignment. G came around on Saturday night and we had dinner with the parentals.  I offered to go down to the Chicken Spot to get some dinner and Dad had to complicate it by saying he wanted to go down and get hamburgers! Eventually the parentals agreed to get me to buy them some chips.  So, we eventually sat down to dinner and, as usual, it was uncomfortable, but it was particularly bad because I think Dad had been drinking.  And when he does that he gets very sarcastic and critical (but he thinks he’s really funny).

Dad’s not good at making conversations at the best of times.  But he was saying really bizarre things.  To G he said “so what have you been doing this week besides sleeping?”, to which G replied of course, working.  But the question was so bizarre it threw him a little bit. And to me Dad said, “how much longer do your holidays go for?”, so I replied I have Sunday and then I go back to work on Monday.  So then he started ranting about how I should go on the dole, as he has lots of tricks to cheat Centrelink.  What the…? Why would you say that to someone?  I was really glad when dinner was over. 

When we got back down to my room G said he’d felt really uncomfortable up there at the table, and I agreed with him.  We spoke about the different things we could do to avoid having dinner with my Dad  - things like going out to dinner, having takeaway in my room, etc.

On Sunday I went with Mum to the Christening of my cousin’s baby, in a church in Brighton.  It was ok, but there was nobody there that we knew really.  The next day, G and I went back to his place to fix his Mum’s computer.  When we returned to the parentals, I went upstairs to help Mum with dinner.  Shortly beforehand I’d gone into my bathroom to get the bucket that’s kept in the shower to collect water while I shower.  I emptied it into the front garden and Dad followed me and saw me do it, but didn’t say anything. About 10 minutes later when I was upstairs he started ranting and raving at me saying it was a “new rule” that I was no longer allowed to put water into the garden from the shower, blah blah blah. He was talking to me as if I’d just crashed his car or something life or death!  I just stood there and didn’t say anything, and he got himself more and more worked up. 

So, when I’d had enough of being condescended to I headed into the kitchen to check on the carrots I was cooking, and then he started yelling at Mum instead.  So, I got fed up and headed downstairs to G. I was very upset so I hugged G for a little while, as Dad yelled at Mum upstairs. I told G that if Dad started breaking things we’d leave.  I went to the toilet and sure enough, I heard banging and crashing upstairs.  Dad started smashing up the kitchen, and actually ripped the kitchen door off it’s hinges and smashed the windows in the door.  I quickly left the bathroom and found G in the entrance hall, terrified and ready to leave.  Dad came downstairs and saw us.  To me he said “get out and don’t come back” and to G he said “get out you useless bastard” or something like that.  So, with just my shoes and handbag, we fled to my brother’s house.

We hung out there for a while to compose ourselves.  A couple of hours later we went back to the parentals to collect my computer, phone, car, clothes, toiletries, etc.  Dad was nowhere to be found, fortunately.  It almost seemed too easy.  Mum was on the driveway and she wished us well and felt sorry about the situation.

So, ever since then I’ve been staying at my brother’s place. He’s offered for me to stay here permanently, but I’m still thinking about it.  I’m looking around for a place at the moment – hopefully somewhere close to my work and cheap.  But lots of share houses have 4 or 5 people in them, which could be complicated, some don’t have parking and some don’t allow G to stay over on weekends.  There is one that’s about 30 seconds walk from my office! That’d be amazing- I’m going to have a look at that one tonight.

I’m sure Dad has woken up from his drunken stupor by now, but he doesn’t seem to care about where I am because he hasn’t tried to contact me.  I knew it was a risk to move back with him, but I honestly thought he was mature enough to avoid this sort of stuff (it’s happened hundreds of times before – that’s why I’m pretty calm about it – sort of used to it). But, obviously, a leopard doesn’t change it’s spots.  He’s still a bully, a drunk, and a very aggressive man. I’m not sure if it’s the right thing to do – to cut him out of my life, but it seems to be what he wants.  He doesn’t speak to my brother.  He despises my Mum and he doesn’t want me around.  What does he want to be in a family for?  Some things I’m sure of are that I’m calmly resolute that I never want him to speak to me or G ever again the way he did last Sunday night, I no longer want to let him disrupt my life plans, I no longer want to spend my time with him to help him or get to know him as he doesn’t appreciate me, so is not worth the effort, and he doesn’t want to change, so I can’t help him anyway.  I don’t hate him – I don’t feel anything for him. I don’t feel related for him.  He’s just a very evil and heartless man and he really doesn’t bring anything positive into my life.  All he delivers is misery, threats and insecurity.

I feel sorry for my Mum, but it’s her decision to be there.  She’s had opportunities in the past to end this situation, but keeps going back because Dad controls her so much.  I’m not married to him, so I won’t let him control my life.

So, that’s been my crazy week.  I’m living day to day and not sure what will happen tomorrow.